


not to disappear

by lemniscates



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, F/M, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, i made myself cry writing this, it's rated g but it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22966033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemniscates/pseuds/lemniscates
Summary: Rey wakes to the sound of the little voice. When she opens her eyes, her beautiful baby girl is staring back at her, gently shaking her shoulder.“What is it, sweetheart?” she mumbles, still half-asleep. It’s not unusual for her daughter to wake her in the middle of the night, but it never gets easier.--A post-TROS angst ficlet
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 53





	not to disappear

“Mama? Mama!”

Rey wakes to the sound of the little voice. When she opens her eyes, her beautiful baby girl is staring back at her, gently shaking her shoulder.

“What is it, sweetheart?” she mumbles, still half-asleep. It’s not unusual for her daughter to wake her in the middle of the night, but it never gets easier.

Something moves and suddenly she’s aware of the solid wall of warmth at her back. It’s the wall that’s moving, and then it speaks, and she realizes it’s not a wall at all—it’s her husband.

“Shh, shhh, go back to sleep. You’ve had such a long day. I’ve got her this time.” Ben murmurs, gently climbing past her on their shared bed and scooping their daughter up into his arms. Rey, already forgetting what just happened, falls back into the haze of sleep.

Some time later, she wakes again, and pats around next to her on the bed, searching for Ben. It’s cold and empty—he’s not there. The sky is still dark outside, meaning she couldn’t have been asleep for too long. Wrapping a blanket around herself, Rey gets out of bed and wanders down the hall towards their daughter’s room, searching for both Ben and her little rascal.

It feels like it takes ages for her to cross the short hall, all the while she calls out Ben’s name. There is no reply. Rey begins to panic, running the rest of the way down the hall and to the right, where their little girl sleeps.

When she gets to the doorway, she sees Ben asleep in the big chair in the corner of the room, their child pressed against his chest, also sleeping. They both look like angels.

Rey goes to put their daughter back in her bed, but she trips over a stray toy on the floor, waking Ben up. He looks around, startled, before his eyes fall on her and his expression transforms to one of love, of contentment. She adores that look, she never grows tired of it, no matter how often he gives it to her.

“Hey,” he whispers, trying no to disturb their girl. He sits up a little, cradling her against chest so she doesn’t slip. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know,” Rey answers truthfully. “I just know that I missed you.”

“I was telling her a story, I think,” Ben pauses to kiss the crown of the child’s head. “Her favorite one, the story of how mommy and daddy met.”

Rey crosses the distance to the big chair, kneeling beside the arm of it. “Oh yeah?” She asks, brushing the fine inky locks back from her baby’s head. “I don’t know if it’s her favorite, since it knocked her out cold. You, too.” She smirks.  
The corner of Ben’s mouth comes up, mirroring her expression. “Well, she should know it anyway. One day, all she’ll have of us is stories.”

His tone is so matter-of-fact that it catches Rey off-guard. “I don’t know if that’s true. Besides, that’s a long way off.”

“I’m not sure,” Ben puts the hand not supporting their daughter over Rey’s, his thumb rubbing her knuckles. “It feels like it could happen at any time.”

Now Rey is panicking again, not sure where this is coming from and not wanting to hear any more of it. “We can’t talk like that, Ben, not after everything we’ve survived. We could live for a hundred more years, or even a hundred and fifty. The tech is advancing every day,” she’s fighting back tears now, trying her hardest not to wake the sleeping child. “And besides, we can’t leave her. We _won’t_. Not like—” She’s crying in earnest, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Not like our parents did. You have to promise me, Ben. Promise me we won’t leave her!”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Ben says, his touch on her hand fading. “Who is there to leave?”

Ice runs through Rey’s veins. She’s frozen, her eyes looking imploringly into Ben’s. Just then, something that feels like sand runs over her hand. She looks down in time to see a tear fall where Ben’s hand just was. It drops onto the sand, dissipating instantly.

The sight that meets Rey when she looks up is horrifying. Slowly, steadily, her Ben is turning to sand, along with their daughter, blowing into the cool night breeze. She reaches her hand up, trying to grasp at him, at their baby, but it’s useless. As she looks around, the entire room turns to sand. She watches as the hall crumbles into desert, nothing beyond it but flat, dead land. Rey squeezes her eyes shut, willing the nightmare to go away. “No!” She cries. “No, no—”

“No.”

She hears herself say it out loud, her eyes opening once again. She’s alone, in an empty bed, BB-8 in low-power mode on the floor. All around her are empty, old walls, worn from years of sand and wind. She’s shaking.

Rey is still on Tatooine, she realizes. She’s in the Lars Homestead, waiting out another night. No one is down the hall, or in bed. No one is with her.

Quietly, Rey wraps her blanket tighter around herself and takes a deep inhale from the black sweater she’s wearing. She’s falling asleep again; she hopes beyond hope for a dreamless slumber.

When sleep has almost taken her, and her tears are drying, she makes one final plea.

“Come back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this selunchen comic](https://twitter.com/selunchen/status/1233760144363859969?s=20) and [this missbliss1294 art](https://twitter.com/MissBliss1294/status/1217222685597618177?s=20)
> 
> please be gentle, this work is made up completely of my tears lol


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